A Case For Being Human
Imma keep my thing brief.
Our generation’s obsession with mental wellness is making us too quick to label any relational friction as toxic.
Your parents do not understand you because their experiences were different from yours and now you say they are not great parents. There is probably a therapy-speak term for that.
It is unfair to call every imperfect parent bad when they are clearly doing their best with the tools they have. (Which one of us is even perfect?) My parents did not do everything right, but they tried with what they knew. My mother is unlearning things in real time through our conversations. She might not get it the first time I say it, but she comes around on her own. I see it in how she moves now. I feel like a proud daughter when I hear her explaining to someone else why something is problematic.
Mental health is important. Get help and get tools to help you understand your mind. I do that too. But we have to remember that not everything that feels bad is trauma. Not every hard moment is damage. Discomfort is sometimes healthy. Difficulty builds survival skills. There is something so rewarding about realising you got through a situation that was not ideal. That is how I am building a stronger spine for life.
In my opinion, we come across as a weaker generation because we will not let ourselves sit in discomfort. At the first sign of it, we run or hide or avoid. We say we need to protect our energy. So we decline the invite to the birthday party because we will not know anyone there, and we call it social anxiety.
Social anxiety is real, but if your anxiety is not the kind that debilitates you, I think you should go to that party. Feeling nervous is part of life. It might suck for a bit. Your heart will probably race and your palms will get sweaty. You might go mute when someone talks to you, but that is a learning moment. You figure out how to hold a conversation with strangers and how to better adapt in unfamiliar terrains. You build life skills. You might not have the best time, but you made your friend happy by showing up. Being someone who shows up is how you sustain relationships.
We are the loneliest generation despite all this connection. We know what Adeola in London is doing on a random Wednesday and who Favour’s favourite artist is because she posts about him constantly. We have so much information about people but so little actual connection because do not engage or show up.
We stay in bed all day because we are homebodies and that is what homebodies do.
I think that labels are limiting. We put ourselves under pressure to act a certain way because we have told people we are something. You cannot go for an unplanned outing because you are not a social butterfly. You cannot be the loudest in the room even when you want to be because you are an introvert. But humans are not that simple. We are complex. I can be loud some days and quiet on others. I might follow my friends on a random, unplanned side quest for buns at Ebeano today and say no tomorrow. I refuse to be held down by a label and the pressure to perform it.
The wellness culture is not giving people room to be human beings. We need space to mess up abysmally, learn, and grow.
This letter is probably chaotic. I touched on a lot and probably did not explain it all well enough, but I think that is okay. You build your own ideas by working with thoughts that are unfinished and unpolished.
Until next time, beautiful one.
I know I haven't churned out a fictional story in a hot minute which is so unlike me and I know some of you do not care for my non-fictional stuff. But please, be patient with me, okay? Life and love is taking all my daydreaming time, but I will be back soonest. Bear with me, friend.
Buns
Noted.
For my parents, I don’t think I’ve ever thought they were toxic but I definitely used to think they were unfair, especially to me but now I realise that that “unfairness” was the only way they knew how to protect me in a country where men think they can do as they please with random women. It’s their first time living and parenting, and they love me.